Photo 243 out of 365 – “Hearth”
I took this picture at Adam’s company holiday party last night. It was such a beautiful and cozy fireplace – with all that wood stacked on each side. If I were to take the photo again to improve upon it, I’d move the table and chairs out of the way (you can see the tops of the chairs in the bottom center of the frame), set up a tripod (it was really dark in there) and move further back in order to capture the entire bow and garland at the top. I’d also adjust my height – here I was standing straight up and it looks a bit warped to me.
It has now been a year and eight months since I left my career in advertising sales. I have not regretted it – even for a second, but I have wrestled with some mixed up feelings about searching for a new career. I always thought it would be amazing to be a perpetual student. I love learning new things – I’m hardly ever bored. And that is sort of the position I find myself in now. Over the last year and eight months, I’ve been learning about photography, photo-editing, cinematography, cooking, working with the elderly, cheese, writing and filmmaking. I’m almost always helping Adam brainstorm something or another – the title of his movie, the name of his company, copy ideas for commercial spots, ideas for new scripts, etc. I’m responsible for paying the bills and managing our finances, for planning and booking our trips (of which there have been many), for coordinating with many of the film festivals and for arranging our social calendar amongst other things. I’ve been super busy and super stimulated. But every so often that question… “what am I doing with my life” creeps into my head and makes me wonder if I should be working towards something more focused in terms of a career.
I had a good phone conversation with my mom last night. A friend had suggested I put together a photo promotion and advertise it with Groupon to get more clients. My first thought was that I don’t really have a desire to start getting super busy with photography jobs. I was telling my mom – I don’t know if it’s because I’m scared, or if it’s just because I am enjoying the flexibility I have to fly off with Adam at the drop of a hat for festivals and shoots. I’m also enjoying being such a strong team with Adam – contributing to his work and passions and nurturing and supporting him – he is so ambitious and works so unbelievably hard all the time.
So my mom, who was not initially a fan of my decision to quit my job, really helped me feel good about where I’m at. The gist of what she said was that she’s never seen me so happy – and she’s so proud of the way Adam and I cherish each other and work together and support each other. And that maybe this just isn’t the right time to focus my energy on a new career for myself. It’s all working great as is… so maybe I should just keep being happy doing what I’m doing and appreciate this time while I have it. Of course, there’s still a little part of me that’s always seeking my mother’s approval – no matter how old I get, so it felt good to have this chat with her.
So, that’s where I’m at today. I like to share my ups and downs in this blog/diary – as I know several friends of mine are going through similar transitions and it’s always nice to know you’re not alone in your roller-coaster of emotions. Mostly, I think these questions are the result of an internal pressure I put on myself – as well as a worry of what other people might be thinking of me. But overall, I think I’m exactly where I should be and I’m feeling incredibly lucky and grateful to be in the position I’m in. I just still need to come up with a solid answer for when people ask me, “what do you do?”. That question still stresses me out to this day!