I took this photo in the community garden on Avenue B & 6th Street in the East Village.  I used my 50 mm lens and shot it on the aperture priority setting (Av).  My settings were (ISO 100, f/2.8 (small number = large opening = shallow depth of field), shutter speed 1/250). The shallow depth of field is what gives the background that nice blur.  I love that look.

As for the roller coaster – here we go.  My ‘too good to be true’ dream cheese job has officially fallen through.  This all started last week.  I met with the owner of the company and he presented me with a contract that he wanted me to sign before we started working together.  The contract contained a non-compete clause, which pretty much stated that if I decided to stop working with him, I would not be able to work for any company that sells dairy products in NY state or any of the surrounding states for a period of at least 6 months after ending my employment.

This made me hesitant, considering I was going to be working for commissions only and my territory would be primarily all new business – I myself, responsible for generating and cultivating all my own leads.  By signing the contract, it meant that I wouldn’t even be able to work behind the counter at a cheese shop for at least 6 months if the job didn’t work out.  I was already a little uneasy that I’d be working my butt off for peanuts (the commission rate felt really low to me – even if I sold TONS of cheese), but initially, I felt I had nothing to lose.  Now suddenly, it seemed like a liability.  I tried to compromise with a solution I thought seemed fair for both of us, but I think he saw my refusal to oblige as a sign that I was not fully committed to the job so we decided to part ways.

I am disappointed, though perhaps it’s for the best.  I am having those feelings again though – for the first time in months.  The feelings of… what direction am I going in again?  Will I be able to find a career that stimulates me, fits with my lifestyle AND makes me happy?  Am I going to have to go back to a corporate office? You know… those feelings.   I’m sure I’ll snap out of it though.  For me, the best course of action is to stay busy and productive.  I signed up for a month-long trial of a software tutorial service today, which offers lessons in Photoshop and several other creative applications.  I have been wanting to educate myself on Photoshop for a while now, so that seems like a logical next step. This week Adam and I are going to design business cards for me (for nell’s dish) so I can give them to people when I ask to take their photos… this will make me seem more legit & professional.  I also have tons of research to do for the cheese movie Adam and I are working on, which ties in with other cheese-related ideas I have… a cheese blog, hosting cheese tasting parties, etc.

So there you have it.  Life is funny – but I am a strong believer that if you are a good person, and you persevere and work hard, success will come.  I remain optimistic.