I’m now officially eleven days from my due date, but with the way I’ve been feeling, I have this hunch that he’s coming before St. Patty’s Day (that’s our due date). We are not Irish at all… in fact, neither Adam nor I are exactly fans of St. Patty’s Day (sorry to any Irish peeps who are hurt by that statement). To me, St. Patty’s Day means loads of really intoxicated people roaming around the streets of New York… loud, rowdy, belligerent and honestly scaring me a little bit. Really drunk people tend to scare me a little bit. So, if I had my choice, our son would not have St. Patty’s Day as his birthday. But alas, I have no control over the matter. That is the hardest part for me right now as I’m waiting for this little guy to arrive. I’m realizing more and more that I am a planner by nature and I’m not super fond of surprises. And this whole labor and birth thing… it’s really just one big surprise. You don’t know when it’s going to happen, or how it’s going to happen and you really have to let go of control. So I’m just trying to keep myself busy, getting everything in order and stocking up on rest and relaxation as much as possible.
In terms of getting everything in order… we have officially finished our nursery space and I’m really proud of it. Many of you have already seen the picture on Facebook… but if not – here it is!
Once I switched my bedding, I was worried our tree wall decal would no longer go with the vibe of the room… but that turned out to be a total non-issue. I am officially obsessed with our tree (and obsessed with wall decals in general – my new favorite thing). Every couple hours as I wake up to pee in the dead of the night, I stand and gaze lovingly at our little nursery space and drool over that tree. It makes me so happy every time I look at it. And that cream shaggy rug?! LOVE IT! We had some friends over the other night and instead of everyone sitting on the couch per usual… we all just gathered on the shag rug and had a little carpet party. It was exactly as I had envisioned the space. I wanted that big shaggy rug to be an inviting hangout area where we could laze around on the floor with the baby. Ahhh… it’s so sweet when a plan comes together.
Meanwhile, I was talking to Adam about this as we were going to sleep last night… It’s now been almost three years since I left my job in Advertising Sales. For a while, the whole ‘not having a career’ thing was a source of much anxiety for me – I felt I had to figure it all out and was frustrated with how slowly that was happening. However, since becoming pregnant, it has felt less important to me. I’m about to become a mother, which is probably the most important, challenging and rewarding job I’ll ever do. And I actually have faith now, that being a mother will help me to determine what type of professional work I’ll want to throw myself into someday.
But I still get those twinges of guilt here and there about not working – or feelings of inadequacy and panic when people ask me “so what do you do?”. Then I stop and think about all these experiences I’ve been able to throw my whole self into … planning our dream wedding and honeymoon, planning for and traveling the film festival circuit with Hello Lonesome, starting and completing my year-long photography project, volunteering with the elderly, starting and growing my blog, learning extensively about cheese as an affinage intern at Murray’s, finding our dream space in Brooklyn, having a healthy pregnancy, preparing for natural childbirth and building and decorating a nursery space from scratch. All of these things have been challenging, new and a bit overwhelming for me at times. None of them have really resulted in any sort of significant monetary compensation (as of yet). But I know I’m growing tremendously as a person (more-so than I did during my eight years in ad sales) and I feel genuinely proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’m ever grateful to have had these varying experiences and to have developed so much more confidence in so many different areas before becoming a mother. I think of this time as a tremendous gift and I believe it has made me a better person/wife/friend and I’m sure it’ll make me a better mother. I still miss making money (sometimes), and I still miss feeling like a total pro at something. But I’m a lot more trusting in the process at this point, as I feel the process has been good to me thus far.
I’ll leave you with two quote magnets that are sitting on my fridge. I look at them every day and they continue to fuel and inspire me.
Have a great Tuesday everyone!